¡The Wall!

Recently I have discovered a new trait about myself,  a trait that I never thought I would own.
Don't think that I'm liking this trait, let me describe it for you in a couple of words; 

Heartless
Numb
Careless
Ice cold

How I discovered this trait was by giving a person that I barely knew from high school a chance to get to know me, hang out with me and know my thoughts. 
This I decided to do after a year and a half pushing people away and not letting anyone to come near.
I came to notice that I am being very superficial with this person, I do tell him the truth about everything and myself but I'm not letting HIM in. 
As a person he is unexplainably sweet and kind, at times he is too kind. He gives me compliments I'm not used to hearing, he treats me with respect and always making sure that I'm okay and telling me to let him know if the says or does anything wrong. 
What man does that these days? 
He has his flaws too of course, nobodies perfect. The way he thinks when it comes to the ladies doesn't seem real. 
And I think this way because I have loads of guy-friends and I have ex boyfriends which were great but I sum it up by saying : They are guys they have a total different way of thinking... but this guy is somehow proving me wrong. I like to joke and say that he watches way too many movies, cause guys like that don't exist nowadays. Until it upset him, so I never said that again hehe

So let me get to the issue here, I have trust issues and I have become very cold as a person.
I can be kind, a goofball and kind of caring but that's it. I realized I now have a problem letting people in, I have always given people a chance to show me who they really are, and this guys is trying but I'm not embracing it. 
The other day he asked if we are cool, it had been days since we talked, and I said of course we are why wouldn't we be? he said: "You not like other girls, girls usually always text or call or reply really fast and ask tons of questions but you don't.  You just answer when you feel like it, you barely contact me and yet you say you like to hang out with me. And when we hang out, you never give me a real answer for me to understand where YOU are in your thoughts or what YOU feel. I feel pathetic like I'm the girl and you're the guy."

I never thought that I would be THAT person. The careless, whatever, not gonna put an effort into talking to a person who is ohw so amazingly kind. 
Without realizing it I have taken all my feelings put them in a box, taken the box put it way back behind the ice-creams in the freezer inside of my body and built a thick and massive brick wall in front of that freezer where no one can get in. I guess it will take a lot for me to get those feelings back inside my heart where they belong. Someone has to literally take down the brick wall, find the box somewhere in the back of the freezer take it out and let it melt. 
It will take a miracle to bring me back, or thats what I feel today... 
By shutting off my feelings I feel more alive? can I say that? I take my decisions by just thinking and not feeling if its good or bad. 
Some ways it pretty much sucks, because I never thought that this would be a trait I would have to become so careless. 

I just have to work on it, and I'm not ready nor want a relationship either so it doesn't really matter, it's just that I really don't want to hurt anyone by being like this. 
Hopefully I will soon stop being heartless and just learn to use my heart a bit less.... hmm :/

Reposting this song, cause now I can somewhat relate :)