More than One Me.

I believe I have multiple personalities. 
All inside having a war against each other, trying to break the other down and convince each other that they're better than one another.
One of Me can flip do or say things randomly without thinking twice, while the other one regrets, thinks and goes through one scenario over and over again, and feeling bad because of the part of me that acted randomly. Then we have the part of me that doesn't know which part of me is acting right or wrong and is confused about everything. 
A part of me wants to not give a fuck about anything or anyone, another part of me can't stand the thought of not caring and not being there for people who are important and affected my life. 
People tell me: "You need to learn to think about Yourself, what YOU want, what YOU need... not what others think, what people tell you, or how you make other people feel, be more selfish! 
How can I do that when I myself is at war with myself inside this body? 
Selfish they say.... I've seen and experienced selfish, selfish people haven't done me no good.
All that the person selfish causes is scars, pain and disappointment to others. 
Sure if you know the right amount of selfish maybe it actually can do You some good, maybe thats one of the things thats wrong with me I don't know how to use selfish, because of that part of me who hates to disappoint others.... 


I believe we get to know the true part of ourself when we come up against our own limits, don't know if its a good way or bad way but its a way of realization and acceptance...
I don't know if I've always been like this, having this war I have against myself. 
Maybe it's because of everything I went through last year, that made me forget what right and wrong is, what happiness is, how much you should fight for a cause, a person and the value of things that really matter at the end of the day. 
Someday, someday I will know what part of me is right and good and maybe that someday I will stop confusing myself and others in my life. 
I hope i will fix Me soon, because it's been going on for far too long and I'm scared I will destroy the whole part of Me by letting my multiple personalities be at war. 


"I am two women: one wants to have all joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. 
The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved.
I am a housewife and a wild-child, both of us living in the same body and having a battle.
The meeting of these two women is a game with serious risks. A divine dance.
When we meet, we are two divine energies, two universes colliding. 
If the meeting is not carried out with due reverence, once universe will destroy the other." 
- 'Maria' 


One thing I know is, I have trouble forgiving myself for the things I done that hurt Me!
And allowing others to do things that could hurt me, I have forgiven those that done me wrong but I still can't and haven't forgiven myself. And that is what is making me be the way I am today. 
So if I do You wrong, forgive me please.... at the end of this war, the war against myself, I promise when I have forgiven me. I'll be good to you again! 


"spend time fighting for your sanity" 

Goodbye my almost lover.

I never gave up on you.

Tried to be your lover, nothing.

                                                     Tried to be your friend, nothing.

Tried still being here for you, nothing.

Done trying and putting an effort into You.

...

Your fingertips across my skin

Images

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

Well I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye my almost lover

(a fine frenzy)

Soon enough I will disappear. Will you even notice?

all that I've got left...

"And you, you fade
But the memory remains the same
And I, I can't change
And I think that living with your memory
Is slowly driving me insane

You are perfect but you're empty
And it gets so lonely in my mind
Cos your image in my memory's
The only shred of you that's left behind
You were real but then you left me
And that's the part I can't accept
So I'll keep on living with your memory
Because it's all that I've got left"
-Gotye

nothing's permanent in life, all except for change.

Fasle akhar.

Be cheshme man negah nakon, donbale ashke Man nagard

Bikhodi halamo napors, chizi nemifahmi azam

Ashkato kharje man nakon, ma ke nemiresim beham

To be andazeye man, be fekre fasle akhari

Faghat bedon, joone Mano dari be hamrat mibari

To cheshme man negah nakon, shahre ghame shahre chesham

Donyaye To male khodet, tanham bezar ba ghosseha 

Daran be donbalam miyan, tamame khaterate man

Midoni bi to mimiram, tire khalaso To bezan

Ye arezoo toye ghalbame, mikham ke ino bedoni

Mesle dele asheghe Man, ghalbe kassi dige ra nashkoni!! 

Hala ke raftaniam ba koole bare khatereh

In rooza rahe Mano To azizam joda shode

sahme Man az eshghe To 'Gereyeye bi seda' shode.

Man, kari nadaram ba ashkhaye To, Man, nemimiram dige baraye To

Man, nemirizam ashki be paye To, Man, khaste shodam dige be joone To

Man, joon sepordam toye zendone To, Man, mikham beram dige bedone To

Ino midonam, bedone To shabha ba ghamha mehmoonam

To nabashi, bi To man vironam

Faghat bedoon jone Mano dari be hamrat mibari

Khodahafez yare mehrabounam

Akh, ke che asoone barat, gozashtan az harchi ke bood...

Running to stand still...

How long should I wait before I let you go?
How long should I decide?
Whose side should I take when both of us were wrong?
When we both share the blame

Oh, but I love you even still, even now
Even though we fell apart
Even still, even now
But I hope we'll meet again

Whose eyes will you look in when love is in your heart?
Whose hand will hold your ring?
Whose voice will serenade to help your baby sleep?
To make it all okay

Oh, but I love you even still, even now
Even though we fell apart
Even still, even now
And I hope we'll meet again

Even still, even now
Even though we fell apart
Even still, even now
And I hope you'll be okay