14 juni 2012
12 juni 2012
WTF happened to those simple days? :/ ...
The Ugly Truth and it goes both ways, the never ending cycle...
8 juni 2012
Relationships = Bird Cage?
I've seen a lot of relationships fall apart for stupid reasons or just couples who stay in "miserable" relationships because they are not willing to listen and accept the other person for who they are, they think they do but they really don't. The most sad thing is when they try to change each other, without thinking about how hard it really is to change one self. Most common thing is that you get so comfortable and act like you're each others properties and you loose the sight of what made you fall in love with that person and what gave you those tingling feelings in your stomach.
Yes, relationships are about giving and taking but sometimes some things cannot be shared.
Like, there are some feelings you have and you want to share them with your partner. By all means yes, you should share your thoughts and try to explain what you are feeling BUT you can't expect another person to truly understand what you are feeling inside. Sometimes maybe You feel like you really understand someone when they are opening up to you, but then you realize at some point that it wasn't exactly the way you thought it was, and you misunderstood some parts of it...
I'm probably not making any sense to you who's reading this but I'm trying to explain my thoughts the best that I can.
Expectations... It's a given that you develop some different types of expectations when you become closer to a person. But the thing you should think about is that, the other person will also have expectations, different ones than yours.
This may lead to that you think you owe each other some things, but you don't, except understanding and meeting half ways. Like one of my teachers always said: "Adapt, Improvise, Overcome!"
I read once somewhere where it said; "love one another, but lets not try to posses one another", I love that sentence, couldn't agree more.
Let me share a story/metaphor that maybe can make you understand my weird thoughts about relationships nowadays...
'Once upon a time, there was a bird. He was adorned with two perfect wings and with glossy, colorful, marvelous feathers. In short, he was a creature made to fly about freely in the sky, bringing joy to everyone who saw him.
One day, a woman saw this bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two travelled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired the bird.
But then she thought: He might want to visit far-off mountains! She got afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt envy, envy for the birds ability to fly.
She felt alone.
She thought: I'm going to set a trap, the next time the bird appears, he will never leave again.
The bird, who also was in love, returned the following day, fell into the trap and was put in a cage.
She looked at the bird every day. There he was, the object of her passion, she showed him to her friends who said: Now you have everything you could possibly want.
However a strange transformation began to take place: now that she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest. The bird, unable to fly and express the true meaning of his life, his feathers lost his gloss, he grew ugly, and the woman no longer paid attention, except by feeding him and cleaning out his cage. One day, the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking about him. But she didn't remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him for the first time, flying freely.
If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realized that what had thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not physical body.
Without the bird, her life too lost all meaning and Death came knocking on her door.
Why have you come? she asked Death.
Death replied; if you had allowed him to come and go, you would have loved and admired him even more, and thats why you now need me in order to find him again.'
My point with this post is, love, be loved, share, care, enjoy life to the fullest and if you do have the luck to share it all with someone, do it! But you have to listen, try to understand and never think that a person belongs to you as an object. Never try to own someone or get too comfortable, that is when you kill the spark and the passion. Always remember that every individual have different ways of showing love, learn to appreciate the way love is given to you and not try to change that way. Just because you have a different kind of view or thought about how love is given. You show your love your way, and your partner their way... I do believe with a little bit more effort putting into understanding and not wanting too much out of relationships, relationships nowadays could be something really beautiful! Two different individuals living their own lives the way they are supposed to do and yet with each other.
Yes, relationships are about giving and taking but sometimes some things cannot be shared.
Like, there are some feelings you have and you want to share them with your partner. By all means yes, you should share your thoughts and try to explain what you are feeling BUT you can't expect another person to truly understand what you are feeling inside. Sometimes maybe You feel like you really understand someone when they are opening up to you, but then you realize at some point that it wasn't exactly the way you thought it was, and you misunderstood some parts of it...
I'm probably not making any sense to you who's reading this but I'm trying to explain my thoughts the best that I can.
Expectations... It's a given that you develop some different types of expectations when you become closer to a person. But the thing you should think about is that, the other person will also have expectations, different ones than yours.
This may lead to that you think you owe each other some things, but you don't, except understanding and meeting half ways. Like one of my teachers always said: "Adapt, Improvise, Overcome!"
I read once somewhere where it said; "love one another, but lets not try to posses one another", I love that sentence, couldn't agree more.
Let me share a story/metaphor that maybe can make you understand my weird thoughts about relationships nowadays...
'Once upon a time, there was a bird. He was adorned with two perfect wings and with glossy, colorful, marvelous feathers. In short, he was a creature made to fly about freely in the sky, bringing joy to everyone who saw him.
One day, a woman saw this bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two travelled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired the bird.
But then she thought: He might want to visit far-off mountains! She got afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt envy, envy for the birds ability to fly.
She felt alone.
She thought: I'm going to set a trap, the next time the bird appears, he will never leave again.
The bird, who also was in love, returned the following day, fell into the trap and was put in a cage.
She looked at the bird every day. There he was, the object of her passion, she showed him to her friends who said: Now you have everything you could possibly want.
However a strange transformation began to take place: now that she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest. The bird, unable to fly and express the true meaning of his life, his feathers lost his gloss, he grew ugly, and the woman no longer paid attention, except by feeding him and cleaning out his cage. One day, the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking about him. But she didn't remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him for the first time, flying freely.
If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realized that what had thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not physical body.
Without the bird, her life too lost all meaning and Death came knocking on her door.
Why have you come? she asked Death.
Death replied; if you had allowed him to come and go, you would have loved and admired him even more, and thats why you now need me in order to find him again.'
My point with this post is, love, be loved, share, care, enjoy life to the fullest and if you do have the luck to share it all with someone, do it! But you have to listen, try to understand and never think that a person belongs to you as an object. Never try to own someone or get too comfortable, that is when you kill the spark and the passion. Always remember that every individual have different ways of showing love, learn to appreciate the way love is given to you and not try to change that way. Just because you have a different kind of view or thought about how love is given. You show your love your way, and your partner their way... I do believe with a little bit more effort putting into understanding and not wanting too much out of relationships, relationships nowadays could be something really beautiful! Two different individuals living their own lives the way they are supposed to do and yet with each other.
10 maj 2012
"When it isn't like it should be..."
Why is that some people try to embrace places, things that matter and people in their life when it's all gone?
Why is it so hard to see and appreciate people and small things in life nowadays, when it's right in front of you?
I'm not saying I'm any good at it myself... but I at least try, try to put effort in keeping people near that had some input in my life, made me feel and that I care about, I try to enjoy moments and places I experience.
Because you never know, what the next minute or second will bring...
There are some people on this place called Earth that are so confused within themselves, that they don't see the people they hurt around them, who care for them and who love them. And in some cases they realize and really see those persons when its too late. Either the person got fed up and don't want anything to do with the 'confused person' who hurt them way to many times, or they'll literally be gone...dead!
At that point, there is nothing you can say or do... it'll just eat you up from the inside; sorrow, pain, regrets and despair.
In my last post, I wrote about the war against myself... so I do know, it's hard sometimes to cope with other people when you can't control your mind, thoughts and feelings, but those people that can be annoying, and are always around, even if they're not near by, those are the ones that will be there for me when I really NEED someone, to talk to, to hold, to just listen or just to show me that they just are(don't know if that makes any sense).
I think every single person has a struggle within themselves... so if there are people that come into your life and wanna care for you, love you, be there for you, listen to you, cry with you, laugh with you... why don't you just let them and try to put as much effort into that person?!
Don't push them away because of your own struggle, let them in instead... because true friends, true love, true human connection and emotions are the ones that are always pure and shows their ugly faces, they are raw and naked.
If there is a person coming into to your life and sees every good and bad thing about you and still wants to stick around, that's a person you should cherish in this strange and cold world!!
My point with all this is, if you know there is a person or persons in your life that have seen every single part of you and stuck around despite your flaws, and you took them for granted and you still are.
I will tell you this; One day without you realizing it, that person wont be able to take things you put them through, one day that person will not be around anymore, and your gonna miss that person, one day you will feel the empty space that person left behind, that one day you can't do anything about it.
Maybe you will find another friend who you will bare your soul to, but it wont be that same person!
FYI, I'm not talking about people who have trouble letting people in, I'm talking about people who open up let people in, share a lot and then push people away just because of their own insecurity.
There's a line in one of my favorite songs that I can relate to this kind of situation, which says;
"You wanted my attention, but denied my affection...tell me now where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?"
I myself can relate to this, but this time, this post is for a couple of my closest ones who have been and are going through some stuff, and having a hard time, and dealing with it in different ways... it breaks my heart to see them be in such pain, feeling an huge amount of unfairness and feeling confused when their love and care haven't been nothing but genuine and pure...
So if you decide to let someone in, do it for real and genuinely other wise, seriously don't even bother! Specially if you see that the person is real towards you. Otherwise you will cause one type of many heartbreaks either as a friend or as a boy/girlfriend.
And that I guess that is also a heavy load to carry...
Why is it so hard to see and appreciate people and small things in life nowadays, when it's right in front of you?
I'm not saying I'm any good at it myself... but I at least try, try to put effort in keeping people near that had some input in my life, made me feel and that I care about, I try to enjoy moments and places I experience.
Because you never know, what the next minute or second will bring...
There are some people on this place called Earth that are so confused within themselves, that they don't see the people they hurt around them, who care for them and who love them. And in some cases they realize and really see those persons when its too late. Either the person got fed up and don't want anything to do with the 'confused person' who hurt them way to many times, or they'll literally be gone...dead!
At that point, there is nothing you can say or do... it'll just eat you up from the inside; sorrow, pain, regrets and despair.
In my last post, I wrote about the war against myself... so I do know, it's hard sometimes to cope with other people when you can't control your mind, thoughts and feelings, but those people that can be annoying, and are always around, even if they're not near by, those are the ones that will be there for me when I really NEED someone, to talk to, to hold, to just listen or just to show me that they just are(don't know if that makes any sense).
I think every single person has a struggle within themselves... so if there are people that come into your life and wanna care for you, love you, be there for you, listen to you, cry with you, laugh with you... why don't you just let them and try to put as much effort into that person?!
Don't push them away because of your own struggle, let them in instead... because true friends, true love, true human connection and emotions are the ones that are always pure and shows their ugly faces, they are raw and naked.
If there is a person coming into to your life and sees every good and bad thing about you and still wants to stick around, that's a person you should cherish in this strange and cold world!!
My point with all this is, if you know there is a person or persons in your life that have seen every single part of you and stuck around despite your flaws, and you took them for granted and you still are.
I will tell you this; One day without you realizing it, that person wont be able to take things you put them through, one day that person will not be around anymore, and your gonna miss that person, one day you will feel the empty space that person left behind, that one day you can't do anything about it.
Maybe you will find another friend who you will bare your soul to, but it wont be that same person!
FYI, I'm not talking about people who have trouble letting people in, I'm talking about people who open up let people in, share a lot and then push people away just because of their own insecurity.
There's a line in one of my favorite songs that I can relate to this kind of situation, which says;
"You wanted my attention, but denied my affection...tell me now where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?"
I myself can relate to this, but this time, this post is for a couple of my closest ones who have been and are going through some stuff, and having a hard time, and dealing with it in different ways... it breaks my heart to see them be in such pain, feeling an huge amount of unfairness and feeling confused when their love and care haven't been nothing but genuine and pure...
So if you decide to let someone in, do it for real and genuinely other wise, seriously don't even bother! Specially if you see that the person is real towards you. Otherwise you will cause one type of many heartbreaks either as a friend or as a boy/girlfriend.
And that I guess that is also a heavy load to carry...
29 apr. 2012
More than One Me.
I believe I have multiple personalities.
All inside having a war against each other, trying to break the other down and convince each other that they're better than one another.
One of Me can flip do or say things randomly without thinking twice, while the other one regrets, thinks and goes through one scenario over and over again, and feeling bad because of the part of me that acted randomly. Then we have the part of me that doesn't know which part of me is acting right or wrong and is confused about everything.
A part of me wants to not give a fuck about anything or anyone, another part of me can't stand the thought of not caring and not being there for people who are important and affected my life.
People tell me: "You need to learn to think about Yourself, what YOU want, what YOU need... not what others think, what people tell you, or how you make other people feel, be more selfish!
How can I do that when I myself is at war with myself inside this body?
Selfish they say.... I've seen and experienced selfish, selfish people haven't done me no good.
All that the person selfish causes is scars, pain and disappointment to others.
Sure if you know the right amount of selfish maybe it actually can do You some good, maybe thats one of the things thats wrong with me I don't know how to use selfish, because of that part of me who hates to disappoint others....
I believe we get to know the true part of ourself when we come up against our own limits, don't know if its a good way or bad way but its a way of realization and acceptance...
I don't know if I've always been like this, having this war I have against myself.
Maybe it's because of everything I went through last year, that made me forget what right and wrong is, what happiness is, how much you should fight for a cause, a person and the value of things that really matter at the end of the day.
Someday, someday I will know what part of me is right and good and maybe that someday I will stop confusing myself and others in my life.
I hope i will fix Me soon, because it's been going on for far too long and I'm scared I will destroy the whole part of Me by letting my multiple personalities be at war.
"I am two women: one wants to have all joy, passion and adventure that life can give me.
The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved.
I am a housewife and a wild-child, both of us living in the same body and having a battle.
The meeting of these two women is a game with serious risks. A divine dance.
When we meet, we are two divine energies, two universes colliding.
If the meeting is not carried out with due reverence, once universe will destroy the other."
- 'Maria'
One thing I know is, I have trouble forgiving myself for the things I done that hurt Me!
And allowing others to do things that could hurt me, I have forgiven those that done me wrong but I still can't and haven't forgiven myself. And that is what is making me be the way I am today.
So if I do You wrong, forgive me please.... at the end of this war, the war against myself, I promise when I have forgiven me. I'll be good to you again!
"spend time fighting for your sanity"
All inside having a war against each other, trying to break the other down and convince each other that they're better than one another.
One of Me can flip do or say things randomly without thinking twice, while the other one regrets, thinks and goes through one scenario over and over again, and feeling bad because of the part of me that acted randomly. Then we have the part of me that doesn't know which part of me is acting right or wrong and is confused about everything.
A part of me wants to not give a fuck about anything or anyone, another part of me can't stand the thought of not caring and not being there for people who are important and affected my life.
People tell me: "You need to learn to think about Yourself, what YOU want, what YOU need... not what others think, what people tell you, or how you make other people feel, be more selfish!
How can I do that when I myself is at war with myself inside this body?
Selfish they say.... I've seen and experienced selfish, selfish people haven't done me no good.
All that the person selfish causes is scars, pain and disappointment to others.
Sure if you know the right amount of selfish maybe it actually can do You some good, maybe thats one of the things thats wrong with me I don't know how to use selfish, because of that part of me who hates to disappoint others....
I believe we get to know the true part of ourself when we come up against our own limits, don't know if its a good way or bad way but its a way of realization and acceptance...
I don't know if I've always been like this, having this war I have against myself.
Maybe it's because of everything I went through last year, that made me forget what right and wrong is, what happiness is, how much you should fight for a cause, a person and the value of things that really matter at the end of the day.
Someday, someday I will know what part of me is right and good and maybe that someday I will stop confusing myself and others in my life.
I hope i will fix Me soon, because it's been going on for far too long and I'm scared I will destroy the whole part of Me by letting my multiple personalities be at war.
"I am two women: one wants to have all joy, passion and adventure that life can give me.
The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved.
I am a housewife and a wild-child, both of us living in the same body and having a battle.
The meeting of these two women is a game with serious risks. A divine dance.
When we meet, we are two divine energies, two universes colliding.
If the meeting is not carried out with due reverence, once universe will destroy the other."
- 'Maria'
One thing I know is, I have trouble forgiving myself for the things I done that hurt Me!
And allowing others to do things that could hurt me, I have forgiven those that done me wrong but I still can't and haven't forgiven myself. And that is what is making me be the way I am today.
So if I do You wrong, forgive me please.... at the end of this war, the war against myself, I promise when I have forgiven me. I'll be good to you again!
"spend time fighting for your sanity"
7 mars 2012
Goodbye my almost lover.
I never gave up on you.
Tried to be your lover, nothing.
Tried to be your friend, nothing.
Tried still being here for you, nothing.
Done trying and putting an effort into You.
...
Your fingertips across my skin
Images
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye my almost lover
(a fine frenzy)
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