I believe I have multiple personalities.
All inside having a war against each other, trying to break the other down and convince each other that they're better than one another.
One of Me can flip do or say things randomly without thinking twice, while the other one regrets, thinks and goes through one scenario over and over again, and feeling bad because of the part of me that acted randomly. Then we have the part of me that doesn't know which part of me is acting right or wrong and is confused about everything.
A part of me wants to not give a fuck about anything or anyone, another part of me can't stand the thought of not caring and not being there for people who are important and affected my life.
People tell me: "You need to learn to think about Yourself, what YOU want, what YOU need... not what others think, what people tell you, or how you make other people feel, be more selfish!
How can I do that when I myself is at war with myself inside this body?
Selfish they say.... I've seen and experienced selfish, selfish people haven't done me no good.
All that the person selfish causes is scars, pain and disappointment to others.
Sure if you know the right amount of selfish maybe it actually can do You some good, maybe thats one of the things thats wrong with me I don't know how to use selfish, because of that part of me who hates to disappoint others....
I believe we get to know the true part of ourself when we come up against our own limits, don't know if its a good way or bad way but its a way of realization and acceptance...
I don't know if I've always been like this, having this war I have against myself.
Maybe it's because of everything I went through last year, that made me forget what right and wrong is, what happiness is, how much you should fight for a cause, a person and the value of things that really matter at the end of the day.
Someday, someday I will know what part of me is right and good and maybe that someday I will stop confusing myself and others in my life.
I hope i will fix Me soon, because it's been going on for far too long and I'm scared I will destroy the whole part of Me by letting my multiple personalities be at war.
"I am two women: one wants to have all joy, passion and adventure that life can give me.
The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved.
I am a housewife and a wild-child, both of us living in the same body and having a battle.
The meeting of these two women is a game with serious risks. A divine dance.
When we meet, we are two divine energies, two universes colliding.
If the meeting is not carried out with due reverence, once universe will destroy the other."
- 'Maria'
One thing I know is, I have trouble forgiving myself for the things I done that hurt Me!
And allowing others to do things that could hurt me, I have forgiven those that done me wrong but I still can't and haven't forgiven myself. And that is what is making me be the way I am today.
So if I do You wrong, forgive me please.... at the end of this war, the war against myself, I promise when I have forgiven me. I'll be good to you again!
"spend time fighting for your sanity"
